Estragon (mutters): Nothing to be done. (To Vladimir) I spent the night in a ditch, Didi. They beat me.
Vladimir: You don’t look like somebody beat you. Anyway, we must do something to keep the terrible silence at bay. Let’s discuss the crucifixion of Jesus and the fact that only one Gospel writer mentions that one of the two thieves was saved.
Estragon: Come again?
Vladimir: Your conversational skills are lacking. Come on, Gogo, return the ball, can’t you, once in a way?
Estragon: Our surroundings are so bleak. I want to leave.
Vladimir: We can’t. Godot hasn’t arrived yet.
Estragon: Are we sure it’s the right day?
Vladimir (shrugging): Dunno. I only know we have to meet by a tree.
Nothing happens for awhile. Vladimir checks the inside of his hat but finds nothing. Estragon finally removes his boot and reaches inside, also finding nothing.
Vladimir: Where the hell is Godot? I’m bored.
Estragon: Me too. Let’s hang ourselves.
Vladimir: Hmm. That would kill some time, as well as give us erections, but what if one of us doesn’t kill himself successfully? He’d be left alone. Let’s not.
Estragon: What will Godot do for us once he comes?
Vladimir: Oh … nothing very definite.
Nothing happens again for awhile. Estragon is hungry so Vladimir gives him a carrot. Pozzo and his slave Lucky enter.
Vladimir: Are either of you Godot?
Pozzo: No. Sorry.
Pozzo and Lucky leave. Vladimir and Estragon sit around, bored.
Estragon (eyes lighting up with an idea): Suicide?
Godot walks in. He’s some guy in jeans and a T-shirt.
Godot: Hey, what’s up? I’m Godot.
Vladimir: Finally. Nice to meet you. So what’s so important that we had to wait out here for days for you?
Godot: Nothing. Just wanted to say hi.
There is silence for several seconds as Estragon and Vladimir stare at each other, incredulous.
Vladimir (getting angry): You mean … we had to sleep outside … just to say hi?!
Godot: Yeah. Um … wanna get some coffee?
Estragon: Oh my God. I’ve wasted my life. I think I am going to hang myself after all.
Estragon and Vladimir storm off in search of a noose. Godot just shrugs and stares at the audience.